I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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