i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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