i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies