and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....