It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet