I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.