I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.