Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!

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  (832): Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7qkz
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore

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  (540): i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore http://tfl.nu/9ffg
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  (949): View more from California

  You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.

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  (949): You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food. http://tfl.nu/pk8x
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  smell my finger.

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  (612): smell my finger. http://tfl.nu/i0ta
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night

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  (917): you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night http://tfl.nu/accx
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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  (727): You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that. http://tfl.nu/4x8y
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered

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  (937): i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered http://tfl.nu/r084
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister

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  (973): I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister http://tfl.nu/i2jt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra

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  (587): She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra http://tfl.nu/6lbp
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.

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  (503): Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge. http://tfl.nu/ays0
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.

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  (978): If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities. http://tfl.nu/pwci
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It turns out my teeth are bleeding.

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  (+44): Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become. (+44): It turns out my teeth are bleeding. http://tfl.nu/m4n5
  Replies (4) Good night (433) Bad night (1750)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.

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  (304): Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed. http://tfl.nu/uiwu
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.

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  (306): We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned. http://tfl.nu/jttg
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I just cured my dogs munchies

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  (908): I think I just cured my dogs munchies http://tfl.nu/38nb
  Replies (1) Good night (269) Bad night (143) Order T-Shirt

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