I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
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I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.