Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
barbara walters just said penis...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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