My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
