i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
