so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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