girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize