fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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