I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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