Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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