I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
