I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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