You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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