STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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