We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
