I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
