I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
