I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
