One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How does it feel to date your dad?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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