Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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