My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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