You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
