let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
