i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
