oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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