If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
