Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
