Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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