He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
