the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize