I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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