The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
