the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
