Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
