why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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