watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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