i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
