i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
