I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
