There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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