I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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