I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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