just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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