I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
