i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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