Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
