I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
