ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize