Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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